Ambassador Walrus Mustache

By Author: Steve Sommers
Total Articles: 9
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Dick Cheney recently stood up for our newU.N. ambassador, John Bolton, by saying that, sure, he's an A-hole, but there are lots of A-holes in Washington, including a lot of senators, so what's the big Deal? (I'm paraphrasing. But not by much). In other words, sure he's a bastard, but he's our bastard. It doesn't matter that as a U.S. diplomat he seems to be notably lacking in the one usual prerequisite of diplomats, you know, diplomacy. When did people stop feeling that being an A-hole was wrong? Theway Cheney talks about it, it almost looks like he thinks its an admirable trait, like ambition or guts. From what I hear about Bolton, he demeans people and thinks its alright. He's totally unapologetic. I must have spent too much time living in Minnesota where nice is the law. This doesn't make sense to me. John Bolton and Dick Cheney are public servants. They are not our lords and masters. (In theory. In theory) Public servants work for us, which means that they do should do whatwe tell them to and Dammit, if we tell them that they should be nice, they should be nice. Shouldn't they? It's probably not very fair to make judgements ...
... on someone based on their physical appearance, but guess what? That's what I'm going to do. I mean, what's up with John Bolton's mustache? Have you seen that thing? He's got this great white bush under his nose, matched by equally white, bushy eye-brows. How sound can this man's reasoning be when he thinks this is the best look for him? His hair is also pretty shaggy which made me wonder if he didn't know he was going to be on national TV and he must have had some time to get a trim before-hand. Wouldn't you think? I can just imagine him negotiating some terribly important something-or-other, maybe nuclear disarmament, with someone also terribly important, say the premier of China, and this treaty will be blown because the premier of China just can't stop thinking to himself: "What's up with that guy's mustache?" World peace goes down the toilet because of this guy's ridiculous facial hair. Thank God for Condaleeza's legs. Boy, all she has to do is flash those gams and she has them all eating out of her hands. That was some brilliant stupidity on Bush's part, I've got to say. Get a chick with great legs. Though, I think he should have gone all out with that strategy and had Lindsay Lohan as Secretary of State. She wouldn't even have to think for herself but just say the lines that she's given, exactly like Condoleeza. Lindsay's a good actress. She can do it.
About the Author Steve Sommers is the author of Breakfast with the Antichrist