The Five Most Common Causes Of Divorce In Families

By Author: James Walsh
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Of late, the common complaint among marital mates is that they rarely find time to communicate, and reduced communication always translates to a reduced emotional bonding.

Lack of Communication

Many counsellors rank lack of conversation as the number one reason that leads to a divorce and advise their clients to speak as much as possible with their partner. However, one vital fact that requires special mention here is that spousal communication should always be healthy and full of mirth. Nothing benefits a human heart more than a jolly good conversation and the reverse of it promotes stress!

Secondly, people get married believing the union to be a merger of body, mind and soul. If they are unable to share their innermost thoughts or relieve grief by articulation, they get the feeling that the very purpose of getting married has been defeated. Divorce is the only answer to a failed marriage.

Reduced interaction also depreciates affection. Absence of love magnifies other problems which could otherwise have been peacefully resolved.

Conversation thus plays a powerful role in binding ...
... people together. However, contrary to common opinion, the lack of it need not lead to a divorce. This problem can easily be rectified; but many couples fail in problem rectification due to sheer ignorance of the means of tackling it. In a bid to resolve this conflict, they indulge in arguments. Arguments do not figure in as effective conversation. Such couples reach the divorce courts much faster than their more harmonious counterparts.

The Number One Factor that Causes Major Arguments

7 out of 10 married people argue regularly over money matters. Speaking about financial issues in the days of courtship could have easily prevented such arguments from cropping up in the marital phase. However, rarely do people discuss money matters in the premarital days for they feel it is a forbidden subject.

What they fail to realise is that love sustains a courtship, but money sustains life. After marriage, when these people get presented with the hard facts of living, the ensuing financial crunch promotes much anguish. However, inadequate monetary resources lead to a divorce only if they cannot be stretched to meet the basic requirements of life like food, clothing and shelter.

There are some spouses who also use money as a tool for controlling, manipulating and inducing spousal dependence. People thus affected, feel that their marriage is devoid of love and begin questing for it outside marital boundaries.

Adultery

Spousal infidelity, say some therapists, is not the factor that leads to a divorce in spite of statistics claiming otherwise.

Quite frequently, marital problems turn some unhappy spouses infidel and divorces occur due to the existence of these problems rather than the act of adultery. Extramarital affairs are a mere symptom of the main problem. However, the symptom is stated as a cause for divorce, for stressed out people fail to differentiate between the two.

Scanning for and rooting out the basic problems that afflict a marriage stops romping spouses in their tracks, but this is not a job that can be done alone. It requires the help of a marriage counsellor, especially, if the marital problems involve abuse.

Domestic and emotional abuse not only breaks a marriage, but also mars the very well-being of a person. Domestic violence is emotional in nature. Physical wounds are also a blow on the soul and mind and wreak havoc with the self-esteem of the abused. These are the wounds that fester long. People, who are trapped in an emotionally or physically violent relationship, should seek therapy and counselling. If counselling fails to garner the desired results, divorce is the only answer. Abusive people destroy the life of others and push them in a state of perpetual grief. Such abusers are best divorced.

Many factors can thus be cited for leading conflicting couples to the divorce judge's table. Such a situation can be avoided if only couples pave way for better conversation. However, I feel that women cannot be blamed for reduced communication. It is a much publicised and popularised notion that women talk three times more than men. Therefore, logical wisdom states that divorces can be reduced if husbands make effort to match their wives in vocalisation.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com