Relationship Reorganization Through Mediation

By Author: David D. Stein
Total Articles: 16
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Much has been written lately in Divorce Attorney and Mediation professional journals and blogs about “uncoupling” relationships and emotional “disengagement” as part of the process of divorce. Of course, in many relationships a true and complete parting of the ways, physical, emotional and financial is possible and advisable.

Many divorcing couples are free to cut all ties and simply move on with their lives. After a short-term marriage there is rarely any compelling reason to maintain ties into the future. These people should get the required advice, counsel and therapy to empower them to, if necessary, re-invent themselves as a single person and get on with their lives.

However, where there are children from a marriage, a total uncoupling may be ill advised for the parties and for the children. This is particularly true for minor children and, in my opinion, also applies to adult children. Similarly, where there is a family business, or other ongoing endeavor, it may be best for the engaged parties to re-think their roles and adopt a new behavior paradigm rather than attempt a complete “uncoupling”.

Parents, ...
... still raising their children or not, will continue to be bound to one another and rather than attempt to construct a life devoid of any influence from their former partner they should endeavor to construct comfortable new roles for one another. These roles make it clear for each party that although they are no longer husband and wife, they are now and forever mother and father and those roles will evolve but will also endure.

As is so often the case in matters where one is trying to influence human behavior, the act of identifying a goal is a large part of achieving it. In mediation educating the parties to the reality that there is a path into the future where both parties are still bound and constrained by love, not necessarily love for each other, but love for their children, has great utility in helping to effectively reorganize the family dynamic.

Many couples are gratified to learn that other divorcing couples have successfully morphed into new and satisfying roles as loving parents that are simply no longer married to their former spouse. When the new role is well buttressed by the requisite legal delimitations and financial support structure, it is a secure and calm place from which to advance their lives while preserving the best part of their previous relationships.

As mentioned above, divorcing couples with a family owned and operated business have many of the same earmarks associated with families where there are children. Many business owners refer to their business as their “baby” and it is no surprise to see many of the same issues present when the “parents” of the business baby divorce.

The good news is that relationship reorganization is possible for a married couple that own a business together who wish to divorce. If the parties can clearly delineate their roles in operating the business and have in place a dispute resolution mechanism for ongoing “business related” conflict, then it is often possible for them to continue to work together as business colleagues [parents] but no longer husband and wife.

San Francisco divorce lawyers : David D. Stein has been an attorney for over 20 years and is the founder of Liaise® Divorce Solutions [http://www.LiaiseDivorce.com]. He is a lawyer, expert mediator, dispute resolution specialist and lecturer on non-violent conflict management techniques and tools.