“men As Moms" - Dynamics Of Single Fatherhood

By Author: James Walsh
Total Articles: 68
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Statistics reveal that between 2001 and 2006 the lone-father families rose to 14.6% as compared to 6.3% for lone-mother families. The increase may be due to the fact that fewer mothers are getting sole custody of children nowadays.

Reasons for Increase in Single Father Households

While custodial mothers have been in the limelight owing to much research and public attention, custodial fathers have been sidelined of such attention. Nevertheless, there has been a steady increase in single father households over the past decade. According to statistics, around 2.5 million children live with only their fathers. This increase in numbers may be related to the following factors:

First and foremost, the decision of the career-oriented mothers who were more willing to pursue their careers than raise children, along with mothers who were psychologically or physically unfit made the courts submit the custody to the father.

Secondly, the no-fault divorce laws and greater importance being given to the children's wishes with regard to their custody has made it easier for fathers to seek custody when appealed ...
... for.

Finally, fathers nowadays are more than willing to take up the responsibilities of full time caretakers of their children and majority of the father custody cases are a result of the mutual agreements rather than battles in the court.

Challenges in Single Father Custody

Taming the Kitchen Monster

Planning and executing household work including cooking is a major challenge for the single fathers. In many households, the main meals consist of fast-foods, bread, peanut butter and waffles and other low nutrition foods. This in turn leads to high sickness rate among children in such families.

What is required here is sit down with the children and discuss the food they like. Then club those foods along with some other nutritious food and fix up a menu for the fortnight or a month. Prepare a monthly budget for food items and stick to the expense laid down.

Clothing and School

Another issue is the washing and managing the clothes. Finding the right clothes at right place is an impossible task. Here too, sorting the clothes that the children would wear and disposing unnecessary clothes instead of piling them back in the cupboard, solves much of the problem. Washing clothes should be divided and made a daily routine. Clothes should be put back in such a manner that it is easy to find them. If you think it is difficult to find clothes that are folded and stacked in racks, hang them in the wardrobe or wherever it can be easily accessible.

Housework

It is difficult for men who have never entered the kitchen to start doing housework such as dishwashing, cleaning etc. A few rules can solve this problem too. Train the kids not to eat in the carpeted area to avoid spilling, and staining the walls with dirty hands, etc.

Raising Daughters

Bringing up children by a lone father is a tough job in itself and if the child is a girl the job becomes further complicated. All that single fathers need is a little patience, time and sensitivity towards their daughters to ensure an overall personality development.

Your daughter needs a female mentor who will help her understand feminine issues. Arrange for a female mentor for your daughter who will act as a role model for her. This role can be played by an aunt, a grandmother, a church leader, a girl scout or someone who is friendly to your daughter.

Most girls don't like others to fix their problems. They would like you to listen to her and give a possible solution which she can act upon. Hence don't be overprotective towards your child. It will turn them to become a rebel or over-dependent.

Girls cherish their space and independence. Hence, try and be involved with her life but don't impose yourself on her by probing into her affairs. Be a friend and know whom she is meeting rather than acting a rescuer from the bad world of boys. Help her understand your concerns about her relationship and talk it out rather than dictating rules.

Respect your daughter's feelings and her uniqueness. Get involved with her school and sports and be around when she invites friends over.

Puberty and adolescence are very sensitive issues that need careful handling. Many girls are perturbed with the hormonal changes in their body. Instead of shying away and complicating the matter further, encourage an open discussion with your daughter. Things that are too awkward to be discussed should be left to the female mentor. Take help of support group if required.

The Final Word

Being a lone father is tough but many fathers love their children too much and take it up as a challenge. The key point is to maintain as much normalcy in their routine as possible. Concentrate on what you can give them as a father rather than trying to replace your spouse. You will win the respect of your children by being what you are and being there when they need you.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com