Living Virtually: Missing Reality

By Author: Dorree Lynn
Total Articles: 1
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I have a dear friend, Diana whom I used to meet for lunch quite often. Lately work has had her traveling between three cities. I miss her terribly. I also have another close friend, Josh who used to live in my city. Josh and his wife now live in another state and Josh and I frequently communicate by e-mail. Both of these relationships have evolved into virtual friendships. These electronically based friendships have become remarkably frank, candid and even loving connections. I still love the people, but I am starting to hate our connection.

I understand that the net has many positive aspects. One of them is the ability to communicate quickly across territorial boundaries and to connect with friends and family all over the world. I like e-mailing my children when I know it is too late to call them knowing that when they awaken they will have a letter from mom. I like knowing I can contact my husband, or he me, if we are apart. I like all the information I can disseminate and find so very quickly. I like the easy sense of camaraderie and community I have with colleagues who belong to the same organizations that I do ...
... or who live far away. There are all kinds of things I like about the net.

Truth be told, I dislike aspects of the net and especially e-mail more than I like it. I hate the disembodied exchanges between souls who once maintained a real life basis for trust, anger, joy and love. I miss the intimate inflections of real voices during conversations, or seeing the expressive hand gestures that belong to one of my kids. I miss the sound of a friend's voice over the phone as we type more and talk less. I hate the massive amounts of thoughtless mail that clog my screen just because someone couldn't sleep and decided to send everyone in their address book a tasteless joke. I am impatient with all the petitions I am asked to sign, and the spam mail that I get. I miss going to the library as often as I once did and having the librarian introduce me to an unexpected reading treasure. Mostly though, I am sad because I know that soon, many people will barely know the difference between a virtual and a real connection. I don't want to become one of them.

I am a modern woman with a traditionalist's soul. I am old enough to remember the sound of the dairy truck as its clinking glass bottles announced the new day's dairy delivery. I have an even more poignant memory of the day I realized that milk had became homogenized as well as pasteurized. Young as I was, I knew then, that though my children would, hear, taste, feel and experience life in ways as yet unimaginable to me, they would never know the joy of sticking their finger down the narrow neck of the glass bottle to taste the cream on the top when their mother wasn't looking. In fact, they probably would never know the taste of genuine fresh cream.

Life moves on, and I have moved with I; part of a virtual world. I use the web and I live on e-mail far too much. Yes, writing a book is easier in a document than on a typewriter. And, I know good marriages that started with innocent e-mails. I know that technology is shrinking our world in ways that are more positive than not. Still, I miss Diana and Josh. Our virtual connection allows us to say things we might not ever feel free enough to say in person. E-mail does keep us connected, but deep down, I miss the easy laughter and the touch of both. The essence of each of them is no longer in my life. When I let myself think about that, I miss the reality of what we used to have.

Life is too hard to do alone,

Dr. D.

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.




About the Author Dr. Dorree Lynn is co-founder of the Institute for the Advanced Study of Psychotherapy and a practicing clinician in New York and Washington, DC. Dr. Lynn served on the executive board of the American Academy of Psychotherapists and she is on the editorial board of their publication, Voices. She is also a regular columnist for the Washington, DC newspaper, The Georgetowner. Dr. Lynn is a noted speaker and well known on the lecture circuit.