Assisted Living At Home

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Often times, there is only one adult child left to take care of an aging parent. That single child becomes their caretaker, providing in home assistance with many Activities of Daily Living (ADLs), especially if the aging senior is providing reluctance or resistance to moving out of the home into an assisted living facility, which often times is the bests solution for an elderly person in need, and the remaining family members. Here is a story of what one of our readers told us about taking care of their father.

I am my father’s only living adult child. He is in his early 80′s. He is divorced. He is still of sound mind; however, I have noticed he needs more help. He asked me to pay his bills, which I now do. I am his executor in his trust from the early 1980′s and have Power Of Attorney (POW) and we revise his health care initiative every few years.

We hired a 59 year-old woman to be a live-in for his care for the last few years. Against his will, she had her adult 19-year-old daughter move in for one year (this is the second time she has done this against his will). ...
... With my counsel, because he was so stressed due to lack of privacy, space and appreciation, he asked the daughter to move back out.

He asked the woman to move out, indicating she could still come to assist with his living needs on a daily basis, but she said she does not want to live with her sister, which is where her daughter moved. She makes enough money to rent an apartment, but seems to just be saving all of her money while contributing nothing. My dad is on a very limited income and I help him whenever I can.

While providing daily care for him, I’ve witnessed when she has gotten quite nasty with him at times and then turns sweet. The woman now sleeps in the extra bedroom, and pays no rent, which is part of her compensation for her at-home services. She cooks occasional lunches and dinners for him and occasionally cleans the house.

I recently discovered my dad’s medication ran out too soon so I worried he was taking too much too often. However, he told me that she was taking his medication even though he asked her not too and told her “it’s against the law”. She is a nurse’s aide and works for an agency so I thought she should know better. I got my dad’s prescription filled and now monitor it every week and keep the rest locked up. I believe my dad about her taking the medication because I found his exact milligrams in her prescription bottle, which had smaller pills. I verified with a pharmacist with my dad that it was indeed his medication.

My dad seems to like her company sometimes and other times complains she should live with her sister. I think he feels lonely for companionship sometimes so he puts up with her behavior. Given her refusal to leave, I feel worried. He also asked her not to use his home address as her address. She refused. He went down to the post office and changed it and she changed it back. He asked her to get a P.O. box and she refused. He seems relieved that she is aware that I am stepping in and taking care of things and visiting almost daily.

I seriously lose sleep over this and would prefer my dad come and live with us, but he currently refuses. He loves his home and gardens and the assistance he receives while still living in his home. I want to respect his wishes as long as I can, but feel the need to also protect him against people who do not have and have never had his best interest in mind, because they are out there.