Relationship Priorities: A Useful Concept To Enhance Martial Counseling Effects

By Author: R Moss
Total Articles: 5
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There are usually a number of components involved in therapy helping distressed couples. Initially, there is time given for each partner to discuss why they are being seen and where they perceive the problems. As treatment progresses, there is usually education, as well as having couples learn to use new approaches or skills.

One aspect I have found particularly helpful is one that I seldom see referenced in many books. This has to do with relationship priorities. By this, I am referring to a rank ordering of the most to the least important relationships. It is suggested that this include spouse, God, children, parents, and friends. In some cases, it is further suggested that work, church, volunteer, and recreational activities be included.

When asked to do this, it is common to find that partners have quite different rankings. This can then be used to lead into a second concept: reciprocity in relationships. Simply put, there should be equality in priority rankings in the healthiest of relationships. Thus, if you are number one to me, I should be number one to you.

In some marital counseling ...
... situations, it is observed that spouse is the first priority for one partner and the children or parents are first for the other. Another finding in couple therapy is that partners may say their partner is the top priority, while actual monitoring of their behavior may say something quite different. In other words, a partner may spend an excessive amount of time away being involved with friends and/or activities which do not include the spouse.

A goal in marital counseling can be to assist the couple in evaluating the basis for their priorities and whether these are healthy. It can also assist each spouse in truly having his or her behavior become better aligned with the stated priorities. When this can be accomplished, both spouses typically believe they are more aware of and focused on how to keep their behavior consistent with their beliefs.

Obviously, there are many aspects to effective couple counseling. However, the inclusion of a relationship priorities and reciprocity component can enhance the effectiveness of many of the other aspects used in marital counseling.