What To Expect In Your First Marriage Counseling Session

By Author: Parul Patel
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It can be a significant decision to take together and it's common to feel anxious before going into therapy. Many couples fear they'll be blamed, judged or will have to go through all of the arguments once again. The truth is, it's not quite as bad as all that. When you're looking for marriage counseling Orange County couples trust then you'll find knowing what to expect during that initial meeting can ease the nerves and build confidence. Here's a guide to what you can expect, so you are well prepared and with a positive mindset.
Before You Arrive
The majority of practices begin by having a short phone conversation or online application. You'll be requested for fundamental information like your names, length of time with each other, as well as your motivation for joining. It's also the time to inquire about any session fees, the schedule and whether the sessions will be held in person or online. Do this seriously as it is important to be comfortable with the process. Discuss the two of you, prior to the session, what you are looking for out of the session. It is ...
... not essential that you have the same objectives, but it's certainly a good beginning to be open to showing up. It is also a good idea to keep a list of a couple of subjects you'd like to discuss in order to avoid getting your mind blanked out when you're seated.
The Opening Minutes: Setting the Stage
Your therapist will introduce themselves to you and your partner, and discuss the counseling process. This will include a discussion on confidentiality, what will be shared, what will not be shared and few situations where safety concerns may call for action. You will also discuss forms (consent forms, short history questionnaire). The therapist typically will outline their plan for therapy, likely based on emotion-focused therapy, communication skills training or some other evidence-based therapy plan. Ask questions, don't be afraid to ask. As a good counselor you want to make yourself available and give your client the sense of being informed and respected, rather than rushed.
Telling Your Story
The main part of the first session is to share each other's points of view. The therapist might ask about why you have asked for help, what has been helpful and what areas you feel you are stuck in. You may be asked questions on how you met and what initially appealed to you to one another, and how your relationship has evolved throughout the years. The above is not a trial. The counselor is not the judge of the winner, nor the blame thrower. Rather, they look for the repeating themes, like unresolved resentments, communication issues or arguments. They will try to gently steer the conversation back from the person who's talking too much or if it gets hostile, back and forth both parties will be heard.
Why Local Support Matters
It's common for couples that decide to pursue marriage counseling to find that they are far better served by being familiar with the area. A therapy professional who is familiar with the lifestyle in this country (long hours at work, hours in traffic, and the cost of raising a family, etc.) can be more useful in providing specific advice instead of generic. Ease of scheduling is also a factor that makes it more convenient to be able to attend regularly, and regular attendance can be significant. For those who want some flexibility, there are also many practitioners that provide tele-health sessions, which can be a great way to make the most of busy weeks.
Identifying Your Goals
You will likely get some assistance from the therapist to identify specific goals to name before the hour's end. Maybe you need to butt out of the argument, repair the trust that was lost, get back together or just break up. Having clear goals provides direction in the work and provides a means of measurement. A few counselors may also see each partner individually, for a short time, in the first or second visit. This is not an indication of problems. Individual check-ins can uncover some concerns that may not be expressed to a spouse, and give the therapist insight into each individual's past and needs.
Common Worries, Answered
Will we all have to share all things? Nope – it's up to you what to share and the speed you're going. Are there any conflicts of interest between the therapist and the client? A trained professional is neutral and not concerned with who is right or wrong but on the relationship. Sometimes we do cry, sometimes we feel angry, what if one of us does? It is common and acceptable to experience and express positive feelings. Your counselor has seen them all, and will help you deal with them safely. If my spouse doesn't want to, what can I do? That's much more prevalent than you'd think. One of these partners may come in with a negative mindset and be surprised at how positive the experience was. If you don't know, it's OK to come with an open mind.
How the First Session Ends
The therapist reviews the summary statement of what has been heard and a plan is made in the last few minutes of the session, detailing the frequency of sessions and the approximate length the process may take. If you're feeling brave, you might be asked to notice something positive that happens during the day or some way to deal with the challenging topic in a different way. You will also make an appointment for your future, and many couples are lighter in mind just because they've finally started to discuss the issues openly.
Making the Most of Your First Visit
Please be a few minutes early, mute your cell phone and say "I" statements instead of accusations. Do not interrupt someone while they are talking; remember to listen and understand; not win. Be honest, but don't be rude.
Taking the Next Step
In your first session, the emphasis will be on connection, clarity and foundation of trust. Don't expect to resolve all the problems in 60 minutes. If you've been thinking about getting marriage counseling for orange county couples, you can rest assured that there are many couples out there that have felt in the same position as you. Don't fear that asking for assistance will make you look bad, it will actually make you look good; it's a sign you're willing to invest in your relationship. Sometimes, it's the hardest part of the process to call someone or reach out, but the first time you talk, you can start making communication, trust, and partnership more healthy.