Review Of Arranged Marriages In India

By Author: sudarshan singh
Total Articles: 327
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In arranged marriages, usually the parents or some elderly person comes up with a proposal for marriage and then they go through the horoscopes, educational qualifications, physical, chemistry, biology, family backgrounds / history and all kinds of stuffs and then finally the acceptance from the boy and the girl. Acceptance from girl side was not of high priority in most cases earlier, but now things have started changing. Some are really forced to get married according to the wish of their parents or elders. In fact they have to sacrifice their life for the sake of keeping their parents happy.

the arranged marriage system has its flaws. This system originated when child marriage was the custom in India. Children at an early age, even before their puberty, were given in marriage. Such children could not give valid consent to marriage, and so parents were consenting. The purpose of child marriage was to prevent those children from seeking by themselves (when they become adults) somebody from lower caste or lower class for marriage. It was a means of restriction to their children from marrying outside their race and social ...
... status. Thus arranged marriage system is a product of caste system. It has developed to promote racism and classism, and it is not based on any spiritual value.

Child marriages are now abolished by law, and the children are free to choose their own partners, according to law. But, you know, racism is in the blood, and the parents, even now, try to control their children by arranging marriages within the limits of race, caste, class and religion. If children find their own mates, parents would threaten them in many ways -- threatening not to give them any share of family property or wealth; threatening to drive them out of their own homes. If any children marry according to their own desire, parents would consider it as a threat and shame to the family. So, many men and women just accept what their parents arrange for them. They don't want to lose their share of property, and they don't want to invite any shame to their family. Even if they don't like the spouse they get, they accept what they receive and suffer the consequences silently. According to divine plan marriage should happen through love and the consent of those who marry. In arranged marriages, it is the parents who decide and give consent. Very often there is so much force and fear involved in marriage--force from the parents and fear from the part of children who wish to marry. It doesn't fit into the modern definition of marriage which is the total partnership of the whole of life which happens through mutual consent and love of those who enter into marital union. Marriage should happen through mature decision of those who marry, and not of their parents.

A modern curse connected with arranged marriage is dowry. It is a social evil in India though it is prohibited by law. When they arrange a marriage, the consent of boy and girl who are to enter into marriage is not important; the negotiation is on the amount of dowry which is to be given by the girl's family. It has become something like a trade in modern Indian culture. The girls from poor families and the girls who are orphans are not good commodities in this trade; so they remain unmarried. If the promised dowry is not given by due date, the girl would be persecuted and thrown out by her husband's family; or, she would die in a "domestic accident". Do not think that I am exaggerating; it is happening in India every day.

Arranged marriage system in India is bad in one sense but good in another sense. It is bad when marriage is arranged with such a hatred and prejudice over other religions, castes and races; it is bad when parents over-protect and control their children to the extent of denying every wish, and even every right of their children in choosing their partners. Arranged marriages are wonderful when parents and children love each other sincerely, and total freedom is given to children for final consent to marriage; and, when arrangements are made for the would-be-spouses to meet and to know each other.

Whether it be arranged marriages or courtship marriage, people seek perfect husbands and perfect wives. A perfect husband or a perfect wife is a myth. No such person lives or ever lived in this world. We should not expect anyone to be 100 percent perfect. We are all called to be perfect, but we are only on the way to it. We have to accept each other with each one's weaknesses and failings. As there is no perfect wife or perfect husband, there is no perfect marriage either. Success of marriage is in mutual understanding and acceptance, and also in mutual love and respect.

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