Shiva Call: To Say Or Not To Say

By Author: Sohini Bagchi
Total Articles: 17
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The idea behind paying a shiva call is to comfort the mourners for losing a dear one after they return from the Jewish funeral and start the ritual of sitting shiva. Those who pay a shiva call are often confounded as what to tell the mourners, especially when the mourner is experiencing a lot of grief. Some believe that saying something might not hurt the sentiment of the mourner or make the mourner more sorrowful. Therefore, it is important to know what to say the mourner and how to say the right things that will make the mourner comfortable.
The best way to pay a shiva call is to say nothing unless you get a cue from the mourner. There are no rigid rules on what you should speak to the mourner. However, as a visitor paying a shiva call, there are certain things you need to bear in mind.
Ideally one should enter the Jewish funeral home quietly and sit by the side of the mourners. Do not expect to be greeted in the Jewish funeral home. Mourners, those who are sitting shiva are not hosts and therefore, you will not be welcomed by food or drinks. To know what you should say ...
... in the occasion, you should take your cue from the mourners. If they feel like talking, let them indicate it by speaking first. Observe what exactly they are talking. The mourners mostly want to speak about the one who has passed away, and as a visitor paying a shiva call, you should hear it out patiently. Also, if you have any stories or memories of the deceased to share with the mourner, this is the best time to do so.
Do not talk about fun or happy subjects or insignificant topics such as business and politics. If you do not have anything to say, silence is golden. If the mourner does not feel like talking, as a well wisher paying a shiva call, you can be completely silent. Silence can often be the greatest comfort them and your presence itself can mean that “you are there for the mourner”.
Time management is important. You should not overstay. A half an hour stay is more than enough. Let others to sit beside the mourner if they have come for the shiva call. As an act of charity, you can carry some token, like the shiva tray, a shiva platter, or any shiva gift. Flowers and candy are a big no no during this time.
Before leaving, one stands up, pray for the deceased so his soul is elevated, thank the mourner and leave silently. For more details contact at http://www.shivaguide.com/