When She Doesn't Feel Loved

By Author: feelingflirty
Total Articles: 13
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Do you wonder where the spark has gone that once set your relationship on fire? Do you remember what it was like when you couldn't wait to be with her again - smelling her scent, loving that look in her eye? Perhaps you're spending too much time on what's wrong with her than realizing how much is right with her. She knows it too and she's not happy about it either.

The quirky things she does that you once thought cute, now annoy the hell out of you. What you once ignored now screams at you every time it happens.

Time does cool the heat of first lust when everything she did was wonderful but that doesn't mean you can't rekindle a cooling relationship. The solution starts and ends with communication. You can't wait for her to sort it out because she might not know how but I have a never fail solution.

Ask her this one question and she's bound to ask the same question right back to you.

What needs to happen for you to feel loved?

Sounds simple but the answer could take a while for her to sort through.

It's important to know:

Does she feel loved when you help around the house?
...
... Does she feel loved when you say I love you?
Does she feel loved when you give her small gifts?
Does she feel loved when you touch her?
Does she feel loved when you spend time only with her - not watching tv, not bowling, not with friends - just her?

If any of these are on her list and they aren't happening, she's not going to feel loved and she's not going to want to love you in the way you need.

Give her time to make her list. If it's going to take a while, give her a piece of paper and a pen and ask her to write it down and you'll write down your list. Once you've listened to her story and then you've had your say, it's time to compromise. You might both find that what you thought was showing love didn't do the trick at all. Perhaps you've been bringing her gifts and what she really wanted was a soft kiss on the neck and you telling her that you love her more often.

We all have needs and we all require them to be fulfilled or we're not going to be happy. If the lists are short and easy to accomodate you're going to be smiling tonight, but if either of you has a long list of rules that are difficult to meet in order for one of you to feel loved — it will be obvious that one of you is being unrealistic as to what is possible. The one with the shortest list of needs is bound to be the happiest.

Some needs are basic that you can't do without and the needs will be different for both of you. Talk about the best way to satisfy the real needs you both have that have brought you off track. The most important part of this exercise is to do your best to fulfill her needs as best you can. If an ice cream cone at 10pm makes her feel loved — do it. She'll quickly get the point and want to make sure it happens again, so she'll do her best on your list too.

None of this means you should compromise on things that matter most to you. You are as important as she is and this is a learning experience for both of you. If she says something to piss you off, tell her why it pisses you off and can she find a different way to say it. If she doesn't know what upsets you, she'll never be able to fix it.

Stay positive. If she does something that really makes you feel special, let her know. That feedback will encourage more activity like that. If something negative happens, simply state how it makes you feel and let it go. Negative emotions can bring your relationship to deep freeze state. This person is someone you know better than anyone else so sorting out the reasons for the mild chill will truly bring that joy you once had together. You can return to that passionate, rewarding relationship — it's still there but under cover!