What Exactly Is A Monorail?

By Author: Max Beaudry
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The other day I was flying back from Orlando and I started thinking about the term "monorail". This is not to be confused with the fact that I think about the monorail itself nearly 12 hours per day, give or take a thought or two.

As I was being transported from gate to terminal it struck me that I may actually be riding a monorail, despite the annoying word "shuttle" that I was hearing from the speakers. Now I don't want tons of email from all of you telling me that the Orlando airport shuttle is not a monorail. All I can say is that I saw a single rail. Of course I had just experienced a turbulent and delayed flight and the time was 1 AM, perhaps explaining the fact that I also saw a herd of antelope on the Tarmac and a giant squirrel driving a golf cart.

Instantly my mind started to analyze the word "monorail" and my walk to the baggage claim was consumed by thoughts other than where I was supposed to be headed. (I did finally find the baggage claim by 2:15.)

The prefix "mono", of course, means "one". (The gears in my head were spinning now. Was that my bag that just went by?) The exception to this is ...
... when we use "mono" to describe a sickness or a single channel of audio. However, it just doesn't make sense to think of a sick rail or a single audio channel rail unless, of course, you are referring to the exotic bird called a "rail", or the sound system on a train. (I think my bag just went by again.)

We all know that a rail is a single track upon which a train sits. The train does not sit on a bird, though it is physically possible, I suppose, and quite an unpleasant picture. Recall as well that a person can "rail" against someone, which means they chew them out aggressively. This is what I was now doing to the young lady who stopped the baggage belt because everyone else was gone. I was not speaking to her in a single channel of audio (It was definitely "stereo".) so this was not a mono railing. Nor was this a sick railing, despite comments the girl was making about my head.

It was then that my brilliant mind realized that monorail can also describe the single railing over which my briefcase fell when I set it there to pick up my luggage. I was not impressed that the Orlando airport has 3 levels, and I was quite disappointed that my briefcase had just traveled through all of them. I distinctly heard a "railing" person 3 floors down echoing the young lady's comments about my head and continually referring to his lawyer. The man turned out to be quite kind, however, because he then decided to bring my briefcase back to me. Indeed he was running up the escalator with it in a most generous fashion! When he got to me i was delighted to hear him say, "OK, moron. You and I right here - mono a mono!" When I told him how thrilled I was that he had used the word "mono", he repeated earlier comments about my head.

By now the glorious morning sun was peeking over the horizon and I had finally found my car in the parking garage. I felt a sense of accomplishment that I had successfully interpreted the full and complete meaning of an overlooked word in our English lexicon. I am headed to Walt Disney World now, and I can't wait to get back on their sick bird.

Max Beaudry is a theme park aficionado with a special love for Disney parks. He is a contributing author for the Walt Disney World Blog, Monorail Musings, at the ParkGopher.com website. ParkGopher.com provides info and reviews for theme parks including Universal, Busch Gardens, and Walt Disney World rides and attractions.