Stupid Is As Stupid Does!

By Author: Ed Williams
Total Articles: 42
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Recently, I made a trip up to Chattanooga and did the most well-known tourist-y thing that a person can do there - I visited Rock City, Ruby Falls, and took a ride on the Inclined Railway. Folks, I had a really great time, and I'll give y'all a quick synopsis of each of these three attractions:

Rock City - Nice nature walk, just don't get behind a large group of Japanese tourists with cameras or you‘ll be there for awhile.

Inclined Railway - The view is amazing, although when you go up that last third of the mountain your heiny will pucker up like a yellow caution light.

Ruby Falls - If you're claustrophobic, don't even think about it.

Now, with all that having been said, I relearned one of life's universal truths as I visited these attractions. That truth is:

There are some mighty stupid people in this world.

It might be an understatement, if the truth be told. I saw things during this trip that literally made me shake my head. Two examples come to mind:

The Inclined Railway works on a pulley system. There are two cars, one starts on top of ...
... the mountain, one at the bottom. A winch is turned on, and both cars start moving, one going up, and one coming down. Somewhere in the middle, the track ovals out so that the cars can pass each other. And, when one of the cars going up the mountain reaches the summit, it goes to one side of the station, and when the other comes up, it goes to the other side. What this all means is that you have two different spots to board the train from going down, so you simply go to one of them and wait.

This was all lost on one addle-headed lady trying to board the train. Each time a car came up, she would run over to that particular loading platform and try to board. This meant that she was at the back of the line each time and therefore was unable to secure a seat. Whenever this happened (three times while I was there) she complained vehemently to the attendants. Finally, one of them told her that she needed to just stay at one loading platform and then she'd be able to get a seat. The lady promptly responded that she didn't understand the system, and was going to write a letter to the governor to complain. At this point, I simply couldn't help myself, so I offered her my pen and pointed out a nice spot where she could compose her letter. She scowled, and promptly ran over to the other loading platform...

Example #2 - To get to Ruby Falls, you have to go down an elevator, a ride that's 260 feet straight down. This elevator is very compact, maybe holding 12-14 people. The tour through the caverns that lead to Ruby Falls is even more compact, you have to walk through some tiny areas, and lots of the walk is done over wet surfaces due to the condensation that's ever present in these caves. Bottom line, it's not a walk that everyone can make.

Into this scenario comes a mother with her daughter, a child who appeared to be twelve or thirteen years old. This child had a broken foot and was in a wheel chair. When her family got to the front of the line, the attendant informed the mother that the child could not take the tour, as the wheel chair couldn't pass through certain parts of the cave. The mother promptly responded that it was okay, telling the attendant that her child had crutches and could make the walk just fine. The results of her decision were:

1. The poor child could not keep up and lagged way behind the group.

2. She nearly slipped once, and it was in a part of the cave that would have been quite unforgiving had she fallen.

3. The father ended up having to carry the child. The last time I saw all of them, we were back up top and the mother was eating an ice cream cone while the dad and daughter drank Gatorade like lap dogs.

Know what's really wild about all this? I could give y'all another 2-3 similar examples from just this one trip. I kid y'all not. I guess it all comes down to this age old saying - it's all very well for people to think you're stupid, but it's something else entirely for you to go out in public and prove it to them...


About the Author Ed's latest book, Rough As A Cob, can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He's also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.