Home Health Care: Getting Your Parent On Board

By Author: Tim Bridges
Total Articles: 135
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Suppose your elderly parent needs help at home, but is resistant? Perhaps he or she is beginning to become forgetful, walk unsteadily, miss medications or eat poorly. Or maybe you worry that your parent can no longer perform basic household tasks or should no longer be driving. Although you have been shouldering the load, your other family responsibilities and job are being squeezed. You broach the topic of home care, but your parent refuses. What can you do?

Don't Make It an Argument

Unfortunately, helping your parent or parents admit that they can no longer effectively care for all of their own needs is never an easy task. It is natural for them to resist this change. It is a frustrating and confusing time which can lead to a lot of anger and turmoil.

The first rule is to avoid making their limitations or disability the central issue. Laying out all the ways they are declining might convince a third party, but for your parent it may only serve to engender resistance and defensiveness. None of us likes to be told that we can no longer take care of ourselves.

Focus on Your Concerns About Their Well-being

Your ...
... parent may be more accepting of outside home care help if you pose it as a means of relieving you of some responsibilities and providing you with peace of mind. Explain that you would feel more comfortable knowing that someone was helping with meals, household chores and safety reminders. Present it as a favour your parent would be doing for you.

Emphasize Help with Household Tasks

Your parent may more readily accept help with household tasks, laundry, meals or transportation than with personal care like bathing or dressing. Having a "housekeeper" doesn't involve the perceived stigma that a personal care aide may represent. Once your parent develops a relationship with a home care worker, he or she may become less resistant to personal care if needed.

Enlist a Trusted Professional

Sometimes it pays to recruit a trusted counselor, clergyman, personal physician or lawyer to help you make your case. Involving a professional like this is almost always a good idea. However, be careful to avoid the appearance that you are ganging up on your parent, or this approach may backfire.

Gain Agreement for a Trial Period

Your parent may agree to a trial of home care services even if he or she is unwilling to commit long term. If you've gained acceptance for a trial period of a week or two, make sure you choose a home care provider carefully. A bad experience can destroy any progress you've made and close your parent's mind to the subject. At the minimum, have a qualified health professional from the agency meet with you and your parent to learn your needs and expectations, perform a basic functional assessment, assign an appropriate home care worker and provide ongoing supervision.

Don't Compromise on Safety

Sometimes it is obvious that an elderly loved one cannot live safely without help. If that is the case, getting help is non-negotiable. Dementias like Alzheimer's disease pose a special problem because judgment and decision-making capabilities may be lost. Telltale signs include forgetting recent events, retelling the same story repeatedly, becoming lost in familiar surroundings, losing track of time and place and losing the ability to perform tasks that were once routine.

Such behaviors are not part of normal aging. If you recognize them, a medical evaluation is critical. And, be prepared to take a firmer approach on the issue of arranging help. Your parent's safety may depend on it.

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