Don't Gimme No Solutions!

By Author: June Campbell
Total Articles: 17
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Ever thought that this whole technology thing is just too confusing for the
average person to understand? Ever visited a web site to learn about a new
computer product only to leave the site muttering, "I don't get it. It's
way too complicated?"

Well, if you have, you're not alone, and the problem may not be of your
making. The way I see it, the technology marketers on the Information
Superhighway are spinning their wheels in a morass of jargon and hype. The
result? A phenomenal tendency to say much and communicate little. When
these Marketer Persons put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, who the
*^&* knows what they're talking about? Not me, and certainly not the end
user, the person who might actually want to buy the product, if they knew
what it was and what it cost and how they might use it

For example, after spending ten minutes trying to interpret a press release
that somebody sent me, I gave up in despair and went to the company's Web
site, where, it was promised, full details would be provided. What did I
find? ...
... You guessed it. After clicking my way through several pages of
slowly downloading Web files, the only thing I knew for sure was the name
of the owner of the company and the fact that they were launching a
wonderful new "solution" that they believed would solve somebody's
problem. But who's problem? And how? Don't ask me. How much does it
cost? That's top secret information, apparently. How do I buy it,
supposing for some perverted reason I wanted to purchase a mystery product?
Classified information.

Here's a tip, gratis, for all you people who are trying to promote, sell or
market technology related products. FORGET THE JARGON AND DESCRIBE YOUR
PRODUCT IN A WAY THAT EVEN AUNT MABLE COULD UNDERSTAND! Because just maybe
Aunt Mable might buy it if you lost the spin and told her exactly what it
is you've got for sale.

Let me give you an example. Wade through today's collection of junk mail.
Do you see anything from McDonalds inviting you to phone them and ask for
details about their proprietary, integrated nutritional solution, developed
in-house and designed to accommodate your daily basal metabolic
requirements for dietary supplements? My guess is you won't find that. You
will find information about their HAMBURGERS AND FRIES. You'll even find
the prices mentioned right up front for the whole world to see.

This unusual approach, which involves actually stating what it is you are
selling, and how much it costs, and how a person can order it, has
apparently worked well for outfits like McDonalds, and GAP and Ford and the
other big names in retail sales. How about giving it a try in the
technology industry as well?

The ability to spew forth jargon like a volcano spews molten lava might
impress other marketing people and possibly government employees. But
remember, gentle launcher of a new product, it is not other marketing
people who will become your customers, and it is not other marketing people
who will read your press releases. It is the public, the great unwashed,
who you want to reach with your marketing message. And they won't waste
their time trying to figure out marketing material that comes chock full
of 'bummph', a term coined by my grandfather, which loosely translated,
means 'bull droppings.'

Don't waste my time telling me that you're launching a "remarkable new
solution that promotes integrated data management of media content that
will realize better return on investment (ROI), and that, in fact GISTICS
has evaluated potential ROI to be as high as 16:1. (GISTICS, 1997) with
general benefits translating from enterprise to workgroup to individual
users, and ultimately represent new revenue streams, a reduction of
resource requirements, and less down-time between projects."

Tell me what the dickens it is you are selling, why I might need it, how
it'll help me. Say it plainly. Give examples. Lose the word "solution",
which as become a mean-nothing, over-used term if ever there was one.
.
Oh, and one last thing. Tell me the price. When I stroll through the
shopping malls, every item on display has a clearly marked price tag. To
my untrained eyes, this approach to selling seems to work well, based on
the numbers of people who load their carts at shopping malls, boutiques and
supermarkets. Speaking of supermarkets, did you ever notice the items that
are displayed for sale beside the cash register? How many people would buy
that magazine or that package of gum if they had to email away a request
for pricing and ordering information and then return two days later when
the information had arrived? My guess is, sales of Juicy Fruit would go
down, down, down.

Before I finish my rant du jour, here's a little quiz to see whether you've
been paying attention. Please answer the following skill testing question:

Q. I am reading this newsletter because: (pick one)

a. It's an integrated, information distribution solution that enhances my
awareness of the issues generated by and pertinent to digital technologies.
b. It's an integrated solution to entertainment and time management challenges.
c. It's got some cool business information and the price is right.

If you selected 'c', please rip out this column and mail it to the
Marketing Person of your choice. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
June Campbell
"How-to" -Business proposals
-Business plans,
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