What Not To Say To Autistic Adults

By Author: Jean Marie
Total Articles: 21
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Awareness and understanding of autism have grown a lot in years. Many people still do not understand autism well. These misunderstandings often appear in the way people speak to adults.
Here are eight things that are best avoided when talking to someone with autism. These are based on experiences shared by people themselves.

* "Everyone is a bit autistic" or "We’re on the spectrum”
Comments like these can minimise the experiences of autistic people. Autism is a recognised condition. Saying that everyone is a bit autistic can make the term lose its meaning.
For autistic adults these statements feel dismissive. They reduce real challenges and experiences to something casual.

* "I’m so sorry to hear that…”
People often respond this way with intentions. They are used to expressing sympathy when someone shares a condition or diagnosis.
However, saying "I’m sorry" can make autism sound like a tragedy. Autistic people may face challenges. Many do not view autism itself as something negative.
A supportive response might simply be thanking the person for sharing that information ...
... with you. Listen openly.

* "You don’t look autistic…”
Autism does not have a physical appearance. Statements like this can make someone feel misunderstood.
Even if meant as a compliment it may sound as though you doubt the person’s diagnosis or understanding of themselves.

* "I know lots of people…”
This comment is often followed by assumptions about what the autistic person should think, feel or experience.
Every autistic individual is different. Autism affects people in ways. Listen to each person’s experiences. Do not rely on generalisations.

* "You must be really smart then…”
Many people associate autism with intelligence or special talents.
Some autistic people may have abilities. Others may not. Autistic people have their strengths, challenges, personalities and interests.
Making assumptions based on stereotypes can place expectations on someone.

* "Autism is a superpower…”
Some experts have spoken about strengths that may be more common among people. These include attention to detail or focused interests.
However, describing autism as a superpower can overlook difficulties. Autistic individuals may experience difficulties in life. It’s essential to recognise both strengths and challenges.

* "Look at me when I’m talking to you" or "You need to speak up
Many autistic people find eye contact uncomfortable. Others may struggle to speak in unfamiliar situations.
Pressuring someone to make eye contact or speak differently can increase anxiety. It can make communication harder.
Patience, understanding and giving someone space to communicate in their way can help build trust.

* "Don’t use your autism as an excuse…”
This kind of statement can feel deeply invalidating and judgemental.
Autism can affect communication, sensory processing, emotional regulation and social interaction. Dismissing these difficulties as excuses shows a lack of understanding and empathy.

One Important Rule When Talking to People:
One of the most helpful things to remember is that autistic people are individuals. They are not stereotypes.
Taking time to understand someone’s experiences, preferences and communication style can help create respectful relationships.
Listening without assumptions can make a difference.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Is it okay to ask an adult how they prefer to communicate?
Yes, long as you ask respectfully and naturally. Every autistic person communicates differently. Being open and willing to adapt can help conversations feel more comfortable.

2. What are some signs that an autistic adult may feel overwhelmed?
This varies from person to person. Some autistic individuals may become quieter. Others may appear frustrated or anxious.

3. Do you provide support for people and their families?
Yes. Many care providers offer trained caregivers. They support adults and young people with personalised care.

4. Do you offer autism support services across the UK?
Support services may be available in areas such as Bedfordshire, Gloucestershire, Hertfordshire, Northamptonshire and Oxfordshire.

5. What activities are suitable for adults?
Activities depend on the individual’s interests and sensory preferences. Many autistic adults enjoy friendly activities. These include arts and crafts, structured games, puzzles, music or calm outdoor activities.