How To Survive After The Affair

By Author: Michael and Wanda Collins
Total Articles: 914
Comment this article

How to Survive After the Affair? There are various circumstances that can cause major stress in our marriages. Years later, we look back and say "How in the world did I ever survive that?" An example of such an event is infidelity. For some, being betrayed by a spouse is the most stressful event they've ever experienced. It's something many of us think we could never tolerate or survive. But the truth is, thousands of marriages have survived it. How were other couples able to mend their marriages after it had been shattered into tiny fragments?

A better question is, how can YOU survive - live, endure, and thrive- after the affair? You see, there are numerous of marriages that have survived an affair but how they did it was unique to each couple. One common denominator was that they all wanted to survive. They wanted to remain married. They wanted to trust again. But in order to have what you want, the first thing you must do is give up your right to be angry, your right to not trust again. In order for your marriage to survive, you have to decide to forgive and remove your spouse's sin far from him/her. You have to treat ...
... your spouse as Christ has treated you by removing your transgressions "as far as the east is from the west…" (Ps 103:12).

Removing your spouse's sin from him/her means rebuilding your image of your spouse. Tearing down the old image in your mind and rebuilding a new one gives you the ability to trust again. For trust is simply your mental image of your spouse. It is what you believe about your spouse; what you think your spouse is doing when you are not around. Admittedly, it will take considerable effort to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. But you must refuse the thoughts that he/she is cheating again. You must push the pause button on that video that's been playing in your head and replace it with a new tape. But what about the offending spouse? In a joint effort, the offending spouse can assist in this by providing information about his/her day that brings comfort and security to the offended. This is called being transparent. The consistent transparency of your spouse will help facilitate the rebuilding of your trust.

Because you are asking "How to survive after the affair", means you have a desire to remain married. You want your marriage and your spouse. If you have the desire to remain then the other tools necessary for healing will come. Time does not heal all things, but things do heal in time. You must participate. Continue to fight the mental challenge of reconstructing your trust of your spouse. Continue to allow your spouse to live in forgiveness. It will take time, but it is possible. Yes…even after an affair.

About Author:

Michael and Wanda Collins are authorities on the subject of marriage. They don't believe infidelity has to end in marriage separation or divorce. If you need help, visit Christian Marriage Today.com for free marriage advice and tools to rebuild a healthy relationship.