Riding The Emotional Rollercoaster: The Human Element Of Chairwork Challenge And Ethics

By Author: ELLA
Total Articles: 11
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Chairwork—the mere act of having a conversation with an empty chair—can be one of the most raw and evocative experiences in therapy. It's such a potent tool, but let's be honest, at times it feels like tightrope walking. It requires both the therapist and client to be courageous, open, and completely in the present.
Here's a human perspective on the universal stumbles and the ethical high-stakes we encounter when bringing clients into the chair.

The Therapist's Stumbles: Real-World Clinical Challenges

1. Navigating the Emotional Tsunami (And Not Drowning Alongside Them)

We tend to bring clients to the chair to work through huge, old hurts. What comes next can be an emotional tsunami. As therapists, we sometimes feel the waves crash over us, too.

The Experience: You observe a client, reserved for weeks, release years of bottled-up anger or sorrowful sadness on the figure represented by the empty chair. The energy in the room is electric.
The Challenge: Your natural human response is to leap in and "repair" the hurt. The clinical challenge is to maintain the space. We need to become ...
... titration masters—getting the client to feel the feeling fully, but in little doses. It's about noticing the very point where their system is about to become overwhelmed (breathing fast and shallow; dissociation) and stepping in softly with grounding ("Put your feet firmly on the floor, notice the chair beneath you.") before they collapse.
The Ethical Whisper: Am I letting them work through, or am I unintentionally re-wounding them by pushing too hard, too fast?

2. When They Just Won't Talk to the Chair

You've established the setting, described the process, and asked them to start. And they just. stand there. They glance at the chair, glance at the wall, and say, "I don't know what to say."

The Experience: This is resistance, but not a conscious refusal; it's a protection mechanism. The aspect of them that must be spoken by is afraid of the aspect in the chair.
The Challenge: Don't push. To force a client to talk when they're really fearful is contrary to everything you want. We must talk to the resistance, instead. Ask, "I see you looking away from the chair. What do you imagine would occur if you were to look that individual in the eye this instant?" This legitimates their fear and makes the resistance an object of conversation, opening the door to eventual interaction.

3. The "Which Me Is Speaking?" Confusion

When we work Chairwork with internal struggles (such as the self-critic and the vulnerable self), the client must switch chairs and positions.

Experience: It's natural for the client—and sometimes me—as well as getting thoroughly confused. They sit in the "Critic" chair but begin to speak from the "Vulnerable" voice, or they actually sit in the new chair but mentally remain in the old one.
The Challenge: We need to be clear directors. Use clear language ("Now, really settle into the part of you that is the critic.") and body language signals. When there is confusion, freeze the action. "Hold on. I just want to check: Which chair are you in right now, and what part of you speaks from this chair?" By keeping roles clear, the dialogue remains clean and functional.

The Ethical Safety Net: Why Rules are Acts of Care

Ethical rules are not bureaucracy; they are the scaffolding that holds the client secure during this demanding, exposed work.

4. The Open Contract: Radical Transparency

Since Chairwork is so demanding, we can't catch the client off guard with it. The agreement for this work must be fully open.

The Human Requirement: Informed Consent as a Conversation. Rather than simply reading a paragraph, we have to discuss it. "I'd like to do something active with you today. It's called Chairwork. It feels a little strange at first, but it's amazingly effective for getting over old wounds. It means talking as if the other person were present. I need you to understand two things: You can stop, change, or not start at all whenever you like. And, it may bring up hard feelings for several days. Is that something you're ready to attempt?"
The Ethical Core: It is agreed here that the client is responsible. We are navigators, not dictators.

5. Knowing Your Lane: Competence and Humility

Chairwork is not something you discover from reading a chapter in a textbook. It takes skill, supervision, and practice.
Human Reality: You may really want to be using Chairwork because you know it would be beneficial. But if you've only taken one weekend workshop, you are professionally bound to hold back.

The Ethical Imperative: Supervision is an insurance policy that is not negotiable. If you are working Chairwork, you must be discussing those sessions with some frequency with a supervisor who is trained in the method. It's not an indication of weakness; it's an indication of professional maturity—a dedication to client safety over your need to get a new skill under your belt.

6. The Golden Rule: Integration and Closure

This is maybe the most important ethical issue: Never leave the client in a crisis of feeling.
The Experience of Risk: Suppose a client takes 20 minutes to finally say "No" to their abuser. That is draining, powerful, and intensely depleting. If you cut the session there, they leave the office feeling raw, exposed, and sometimes even guilty for having felt so angry.
The Ethical Commitment: Landing the Plane. You need to spend the last 10-15 minutes of the session integrating. That is, getting them out of the affective past and back into the present.
Questions at Closure: "What was the most significant thing you discovered about yourself in that interaction?" "What do you have to do to tend to the vulnerable aspect of you now?" "Take a breath and glance around the room. You are safe here, now."
The Goal: The client must depart feeling stirred and held, rather than gutted and discarded.