Using Common Sense To Challenge “always” And “never” Thinking

By Author: Chaitanya Kumari
Total Articles: 217
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People often use phrases of overgeneralization, like always and never, to elucidate what they sense and experience in their usual lives. Such sweeping statements specify a form of cognitive distortion. Even though this exercise may seem to be uncompromising in the moment, these thoughts are far from being truthful and can lead to austerity, pessimism, and even self-sabotage. It construes some out-of-the-way experiences into widespread and perpetual actualities. To avoid this, one should use everyday common sense with rational observation. By doing this, you can challenge such distortions and see life and reality with greater clarity.

Why “always” and “never” are red flags
Words like always and never are almost never true in real life. Human lives and experiences are infinitely varied and situational, not absolute. You may believe that you never succeed at anything, but if you pause and reflect on your stance, you will see that there are many instances where you did succeed, however small they may be.

Overgeneralizations take a single negative instance and then stretch it across time and situations. ...
... This actually creates a rather distorted lens through which we tend to judge ourselves and others. It feeds cycles of frustration and low self-esteem that destroy our true potential. Recognizing such a pattern in us is therefore important, as it is the first step toward breaking it.

The role of rational observation
Rational observation is all about stepping back and asking yourself whether your overgeneralization stance is really true or not. By collecting evidence about your past instances of success, you can really test whether such black and white thinking actually holds up or not.

For instance, you can envisage yourself discerning that your boss always criticizes you. But if you think rationally, you can review all your past interactions to see if there were any praise, encouragement, or neutrality from your boss. Chances are, the criticism from your boss wasn’t constant, but it contained occasional praises and recognitions for your effort. The criticisms were perhaps tied to only specific behaviors and not to your whole identity. This simple shift of looking for evidence disrupts the power that overgeneralization has on your thinking. Such an approach prioritizes facts over emotions.

Common sense as a reality check
While rational observation is methodical, common sense offers a more intuitive approach. Often, it involves asking questions like “Does this thought or idea sound reasonable?” or “Should I say this to someone in the same situation?”

Common sense allows us to realize that human behavior, relationships, and circumstances are rarely absolute. If someone says that he will never find happiness, our natural response would be to remind him of possibilities, exceptions, and change. By applying that same common sense towards our own experiences, we can set ourselves free from rigid self-talk.

Breaking the cycle of negativity
Challenging such “always” and “never” thinking doesn’t mean that you have to ignore difficulties, but you must see them in the right context and proportion. Instead of just saying or believing that you will always fail, you should believe in the idea that even if you fail at times, you can always improve. Instead of thinking that people never heed you, consider that sometimes you may feel ignored, but there are instances when people do care about what you have to say. Such a reframing opens the gate to problem-solving and flexibility. They help you turn your impediments into learning prospects instead of permanent judgments on your nature.

Overgeneralization narrows our perspective and traps us in cycles of negativity. By practicing rational observation and applying common sense, you can identify the flaws in black-and-white thinking and shift your focus toward improving your circumstances.

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