Things To Try

By Author: Steven Johnson
Total Articles: 490
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Every year, new lemmings are born and, from the cradle, they hear stories about what it's like to jump off a cliff. When I grow up, they dream, I want to jump off a cliff too. They start to look out for other lemmings walking round wearing the T-shirt, Been there. Made the jump. There's hero worship from a distance. Then as the time for the annual jump, there are soft questions. What's it like? How does it feel on the way down? And those older, wiser lemmings smile their secret smiles. What they prefer not to share is a simple truth. The only reason they are walking around is they looked over the cliff and decided wearing the T- shirt was safer. All this goes to show that when you have a myth, safety in numbers is better than suicidal behavior. Except this truth seems not to have reached the ears of many younger men. They grow up dreaming of becoming a hero of Jackass. But not for them the Butt X-Ray. Rather they prefer the idea of torture by red chili pepper — something not even Steve-O would dare try, drunk or sober.

For those of you who live in a time warp, there's been this urban myth doing the rounds for the ...
... last however many years. For those who want to believe in such things, this is the ultimate way to avoid hair loss. The story goes that the juice from the hottest red peppers is the way to kick-start your hair back into growth. So, with or without large quantities of beer as an anesthetic, young men showing the first signs of male pattern baldness are seen cutting the peppers open and rubbing them on to their thinning scalps. Now let's be clear about this. Do not attempt this at home! The best place is in the car park just outside your local Emergency Room. Starting with the jalapeño and working up through the ranks of hotness, just getting a little of the juice on your finger will sting and blister unless you run it under a tap. Rub the same stuff all over your scalp, usually protected from the worst the world can throw at you by hair, and you get an immediate and violent allergic reaction.

So the myth-makers nod happily. You know it's working, they say, because it hurts. Yeah, right! No pain, no gain. Their theory is your body is being invaded, so all the immune system kicks in. As the inflammation forms, your body is also checking out everything else needing repair. More blood brings better oxygenation to the cells just under the surface of your scalp. The roots of your hair are invigorated. Your hair loss is stopped. Life is wonderful. You can wear the T-shift. The rest of us can quietly take Propecia and marvel that other men can be so dumb. Think about it. Do you want to keep your hair or have rock-star status as a balding idiot? Your choice.