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Made For Each Other – How To Ensure That In Marriage
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Before the divorce boom, many couples married for life, no matter what – that wasn't always a good thing, but in many cases it was. It made couples find out that after they endured the trials there was some prize on the other side of them that was worth the pain.
Weddings are beautiful, aren't they? Everyone is so happy--the new couples are starry-eyed and glowing with love for one another. On that picture-perfect day, it's unimaginable to the blissful couple that things will ever be anything other than joy-filled and wonderful. However, life happens. Challenges of real life occur and it isn't always quite that blissful. Sometimes, it becomes downright dismal. Everyday life for most married couples isn't a walk in the park, but a maneuvering through bills, illnesses, job losses, aging parents, problems with children, sometimes infidelity, and many times simple boredom. All of this can take its toll on even the strongest marriage.
In our society in Los Gatos or any other American city, the usual answer is a quick fix and for marriages it tends to be the divorce route, but wait, that is not the only solution. In some cases, and only as a last resort, divorce is necessary; but truthfully most marriages could be saved with a bit of work and compromise. We aren't big on compromise these days. It's really a selfish generation and we are set on one-upping the other person – even if it is the person we couldn't imagine living without and made those lovely vows to on our wedding day. We forget that marriage necessitates yielding our own will in lieu of our spouse. That's where the problems begin – when either one or both stop putting the other first, the slippery slope becomes treacherous. In order to be happy and balanced, both have to be on this path of "you first", or it simply won't work.
Couples who are burdened with life and all of its issues, generally can't see themselves through the fog enough to realize where things went wrong. It's difficult to be objective standing in the quicksand. Divorce lawyers don't help couples figure out what went wrong and how they might rectify it. They also don't help them to consider the ramifications of the aftermath of separation and divorce. Divorce attorneys aren't quick to point out the detriment to children who are uprooted from the family home, or made to undergo drastic changes in lifestyle when one parent is no longer in the home or apart of the family unit. Certainly, they don't tell couples that it is possible to heal after infidelity. They don't encourage husbands and wives to sit down and discuss what attracted them to each other and what things brought them to the present circumstances.
Certainly, our society is not very marriage-supportive. Everything has to be easy. Reality proves that the best things in life generally require some hard work – and don't come so easily, but if we persevere, they are worth the effort. Before the divorce boom, many couples married for life, no matter what – that wasn't always a good thing, but in many cases it was. It made couples who (would have given up in today's society) found out that after they endured the trials there was some prize on the other side of them that was worth the pain.
That's where marriage therapists come in. When standing in the quicksand and the mire, therapists can provide the lifeline to pull drowning couples to safety. Therapists can be the voice of objectivity--not taking sides, but prodding husbands and wives to hear and empathize with their partners. They can remind couples that those things that are so annoying now, were once the little quirks that endeared them to each other. Isn't it at least worth exploring???
What you need to do is to meet a therapy Los Gatos specialist and seek their assistance for saving marriage.
The author of this article is Rosalind Cardia, a well-known US marriage therapist. San Jose, CA , is the place where she offers her services.
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