How To Write Well - Break The Rules!

By Author: Henry Perry
Total Articles: 35
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I have heard it said, "Never start an essay with 'I'." "Cross your t's and dot your i's." "Mind your p's and q's." "Avoid run-on sentences," for they make the reader tired and make the writer look uneducated and so on and so on. "Subject-verb agreements is so important." And, God forbid that anybody should start a sentence with a connective. Rules, rules, rules! Does it ever end? Not yet.
Never fragmented sentences. Left dangling, one should never use a particle. Ending a sentence with a preposition could be fine or could be bad, depending on who one talks to. When making comparatives, it is considered commoner to use the "-er" suffix on comparatives with originally monosyllabic words and to use "more" before more long words. What is more worser, is when you combine the "more" and the "-er" comparatives together!
In formal writing, one should use passive voice; while in less formal writing active voice can be used. In academic writing one should use Latinate and Greek words as much as possible, while in non-academic writing interjections and onomatopoeia can be used to one's heart's content. Yay!
My teachers ...
... must have told me 100 times to spell out my numbers when writing. According to the NCTE, one should never use acronyms without first giving the full name. P.S. Don't use abbreviations either without first explaining what they mean.
One should always capitalize the first letter of a sentence, the first letter of proper adjectives and proper nouns in english; however, i think it is mighty pompous and egotistical that we always must capitalize the word "i"; it really offends me.
We can add emphasis with italics or we can highlight important words with bold text, but NEVER USE ALL CAPS! Abbreviations are frowned upon, with a few exceptions, for ex.), 'er go' can be abbreviated as 'e.g.'; 'id est' can be abbreviated as 'i.e.', and 'et cetera' as 'etc.'
OMG! It literally drives me crazy when people use IM (instant message) shorthand, cuz I never know WTH they are writing about. If you want to msg your BFF, then fine; but, U may not use shorthand in a composition like this 1.
When people use pronouns, they are confusing as they are often not clear. We haven't a clue to which subject or object they are referring. That's why those things should be not be used that way.
Furthermore, you kan't use krazy spellings when writing a composition. That would include the ever-so annoying adding of hyphens-where-hyphens don't belong as well as omitting hyphens in the off chance that it is needed. Don't try to be a hotshot by inventing new compound words, or you will incur the wrath of your editorinchief.
While it is okay to write how you talk to a certain degree, ya'all are gonna definitely be chastised for using certain colloquial contractions that don't exist in conventional writing, so you wanna refrain from using those. Moreover, regional, like colloquialisms really ought not exist in any, like, composition. Speaking of colloquialisms, although it may seem phat to use rad and/or gross slang when writing, I would caution ya against it. You know what I mean, dudes and dudettes?
But, seriously, my dear readers, while this article has been extremely fun to write, it should be taken as a satire piece upon the conventions of writing, which we tend to take all too seriously. Occasionally, my style of writing is criticized by readers. However, it would seem that writing is an art and that a writer is an artist. As an artist, one ought to be allowed to take "artistic license". That means one ought be given some leniency regarding the rubrics of writing.
In that vein, I would like to quote from an article in the English Journal, vol.93, no.4, entitled "The Craft of Writing: Breaking Conventions" by Cornelia Paraskevas. Ms Paraskevas wrote, "Instead of seeing conventions as absolute rules, we should see them as ways writers help readers make meaning. Conventions serve as road maps that guide readers or road signs that tell readers when to come to a complete stop, yield, pay attention, and skim over the text. And, instead of seeing unconventional use as an error, we can see it as rhetorical, as intent to craft language and text."
In fact, Paraskevas points out that many journalists in newspapers and magazines will "craft" [create] ways to express themselves more appropriately and accurately in their writing.
Author of the Rose Prince, filmmaker and amateur archaeologist, Bethany Dean wrote an article entitled, "Writing Conventions: Why it's Okay to Break the Rules."
"There does come a point in a writer's life when s/he has to sit down and think 'darn it, it's more fun my way'," writes Ms Dean. "Rules are good for processing your story effectively. But this is a creative business, and creation is all about instinct," she continues. "But this is a message to all writers out there - learn the rules first, backwards and by heart. Then break every one in turn until they start to feel right, and wrong," she concludes.
Personally, I like to be creative. I also like to break rules. So, in conclusion, the job of writer is perfect for me. I get to do both. Honestly, I can't think of anything that I would enjoy more as a profession than to be a creative writer.

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