Overcoming Shyness in Children

It's difficult to tell if a toddler's shyness is something that will remain with her during life, or if she's just behaving like a normal child of this age. So, rather than worrying about her shyness, or looking for a solution to it, look for find ways you can support her to have positive feelings about herself and others, and to feel happy about interacting socially with other adults and children. With assistance even inately shy children can become outgoing, confident adults (although that shy child will probably always remain somewhere deep inside). You can help your child reach this goal by:

Accepting her shyness

This can be hard if you're a naturally outgoing person yourself, but is very important. Your child is a unique individual and can't be expected to feel and behave identically to you. If you consider her shyness to be a shortcoming and express disatisfaction with her limited social skills, then you can cause your toddler to withdraw further. Instead, simply let her know that you love her just how she is.

Don't attach a label

If you describe your toddler as "shy" when you're talking to or about her, then this label is likely to stick in her mind and she'll come to accept it as the truth. This might encourage her shyness, even if it isn't inate. Later, she may use the label "shy" as a way of avoiding uncomfortable or unpleasant social situations. Don't point out or praise more outgoing children - you'll hurt her feelings and damage her self-esteem. And of course, a lack of self-esteem will only make her shyness worse.

Encouragement

Don't push your child into social situations, but gently encourage her to participate in group play, and help her break the ice if needed. Initially she might find it less scary to mix with slightly younger children as she won't feel threatened and, indeed as the "big girl" might feel more confident.

Practice

Why not use some role play? Perhaps her teddy or a doll is on the edge of the room, wanting to join in a game, but is afraid to try. Ask your toddler for advice and offer some useful suggestions for joining in. Your child will be able to use this material if she is in a similar situation in the future - children are great imitators.

Preparation

Some children are particularly sensitive to new situations, and this sensitivity will demonstrate itself as shyness. Get your toddler to playgroup , parties, or pre-school a little early so she has time to settle in and be engrossed in activity when the others get there. If you do arrive late, then be sure to tell your toddler before you walk in just what you're going to do and what she can expect.

Remember, your child is still very young and will probably grow out of her shyness. In the meantime if you observe her looking longingly at a group of children at play, and she seems to want to join in, but shyness is holding her back, then try offering a few suggestions. Don't push her forwards before she's ready, but suggest a way in, for example "Why don't you go over and see if those other children would like to look at your new toy?" Or if she's very timid, then offer to go with her and hold her hand for a while.

If shyness carrys on once your toddler has turned three, and if you consider it is interfering with her activities, talk about the problem with your doctor. There are counselling options and early, gentle help can successfully help with extreme shyness in young children.